Rhoda and My Parents and Norman

Rhoda, the old 70s TV show, is now out on Shout Factory video. (This company also put out some fascinating Dick Cavett shows—the Fred Astaire episode is one to watch). Rhoda, as you may remember, was Mary Richards’ (Mary Tyler Moore) friend who moved back to New York for a spin-off show. Rhoda’s sister is played by Julie Kavner who’s wonderful in the role.

So this is my life? Watching reruns? Ken Kesey, back in the days after he’d written Cuckoo’s Nest and Sometimes a Great Notion, was asked if he was working on anything—it had been a long time. He replied something like, Well, I guess I should get going on something, but it’s awfully tempting to sit and watch Gilligan’s Island reruns. It seems he didn’t end up writing anything too noteworthy after that. Uh oh.

The first time I ever heard the word gay was on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I must’ve been around 10. Rhoda fixes Mary up on a date with some guy. The next day, Rhoda wants to know all about the date, what was he like? Mary says, “He’s smart and funny … and he’s gay.” I asked whoever was watching the show with me what that meant. (Was it my parents? Probably not—I think it was the next door neighbor girls).

So I didn’t know what homosexuality was till age 10. Interesting, since my parents had a couple of gay friends. But these friends didn’t live in the area when I was growing up (one of them had moved to Greece) so I didn’t know them. When my mom was in college she had two men friends: my future dad, Merle, and this other friend of theirs, Norman. (My grandma was always giving my mom Merle Norman cosmetics because of her two beaus.) Well, as it all turned out, my mom married Merle, and Norman was gay. He was a concert pianist, and one of his fellow pianists was his lover. My parents didn’t know about this until years later when they were all in their 30s (probably in the late 1940s or early 50s). The story goes, one day Norman gathered some of his friends around him, including my parents, and announced he was gay. A brave and potentially perilous thing to do back in those days (hell, sometimes even in these days, unfortunately). I think it speaks to the strength of Norman’s and my parents’ friendship that he felt he could make that announcement without some kind of awful consequences.

I did get to meet Norman shortly before he died when I was 11. My parents took me and my brother on a long trip abroad, including the Greek island of Paros. This is where Norman lived as a kind of recluse. He had his grand piano, but his career (for reasons unknown to me) was behind him. I remember the sleeping quarters were kind of cold and damp, and I remember one night waking up in the middle of the night, crying and moaning—the night frights. It was Norman who heard me and was in my room before my parents. By the time my parents got there I was already well-comforted. Though the time was too brief for me to know him well, I remember Norman being a very warm person, someone I could trust.